The perspective you have on life and yourself is what creates your reality. Perspective doesn’t merely consist of your thoughts nor emotions but your overall energy, attitude, stance. (Emotions actually originate in the mind and differ from deep, sensual feelings, intuitions and inner knowigness - connection with / embodying your soul).
Your perspectives are like gravity: they determine how you feel about, and view things. And that is what attracts energies to your sphere of experience, your reality. The good news is that you can actually choose your perspctive, the lens through which you create and manifest your life. This does not mean positive thinking or meticulously doing the right stuff , ie. control — but rather learning to be yourself in a compassionate way. Self-compassion is intuitive self-reflection and action.
The more lovingly and self-caringly you act in your life, the more compassionate your perspectives become
What I’m saying here is: you create your own reality, all of us do. Your perspectives on yourself, life, everything that has happened, creates your reality. You can choose your perspective, and you can learn to transform it. It is not about positive thinking but rather awarness and action. It is also about how you choose to think, the thoughts you let to enter your mind; I can either tell a miserable story of all my failed romantic relationships, or I can choose to tell amazing stories of how my past lovers helped me find ever-deepening self-love in myriad of ways. I can choose the story of the victim; all the whys and hows I'm unable to make my life better for myself. Or I can choose to look at all the ways how, right now, it is possible to take care of myself and see the beauty in my life at the moment (you can do this even in the midst of a crisis; just by asking yourself: what do I need right now, how can I help, care for and support myself right now?).
The perspective of self-love is ultimately about becoming in synch with your soul, which is always, constantly, in the experience of love, acceptance, uncompromising, unwavering trust and completness. Self-love in this human tracksuit means you become more and more synched with the natural state of your being - your soul. And this results in flow and manifesting the things your heart (not your head / ego) in your human life. This is not some lofty, unattainable state for which you have to move to the woods to meditate for the rest of your life.
Self-love is a perspective - both action and awarness - and there are ways you can support yourself in choosing a loving perspective. Learning how to create inner safety, regulate your nervous system, set boundaries, challenge yourself with honesty and growth, take sweet care of yourself, see yourself through a compassionate lense. All this is very practical, and choosing to cultivate self-love in practice puts you on a trajectory of an empowered perspective on life and yourself.
We live in such a mental culture that we often believe that self-love is about fixing everything in our heads: getting the right psychological and spiritual insights, healing completely. But we don’t have to wait around for any of that.
I was chasing self-love for a long time as I believed self-worth was something to attain. I finally realized how doing small, caring deeds for myself helped me feel better about myself and lightened up my thoughts. Then came the insight that my self-worth is innate; non-negotiable, intact. I realized other people’s thoughts, opinions or actions toward me had nothing to do with my worth. And anytime I would get triggered by their views or actions, it was an invitation to seek within myself where I believed their actions or words were the truth about me; where I had a belief in my own unworthiness they were just reflecting back to me.
Nothing in your life is there for you to blame yourself of being a shitty, miserable, unworthy creator or person, but to help you to find a compassionate, loving perspective.